they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
