Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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