Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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