I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
