what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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