no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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