Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
