If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize