I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
