i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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