if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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