you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize