yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
