Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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