just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
