you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
