i just wanna soil my oats bro
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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