it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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