NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
