im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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