Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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