i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
