I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
