I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
