accomplished twins. life is a go
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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