happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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