Yo dont text me then not text me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
