So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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