He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let's paint friendship bongs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
