Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
