It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
