she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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