My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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