just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
