we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
