It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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