I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
