How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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