She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
