Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
