my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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