Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
