dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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