Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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