Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize