my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
