I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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