What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The Olympian is in my bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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