And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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