For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
