Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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