This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
