Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
