summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
