she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize