i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize