so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
