We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
