Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize