I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
