Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
