I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize