were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
