I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
