I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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