Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
