You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
