No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
