Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
