im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
