I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
